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When the USS Enterprise needs its protective shield, every ounce of energy goes toward protecting the starship. Lights dim; the crew can’t cook.
Warren Blumenfeld cites that analogy to describe gay men and lesbians in certain workplaces. The author of Homophobia: How We All Pay the Price says that even in supposedly progressive workplaces and forward-looking states, employees -- including those already out -- expend enormous energy maintaining a defensive shield against subtle prejudice.
The Monday Morning Pronoun Problem
“Despite the distance gays have come, we’ve still got the ‘Monday morning pronoun problem,’” Blumenfeld says. “We change who we spend our life with, because we fear ostracism. We fear straining relationships with coworkers, bosses and clients. We hear adults say things like, ‘That’s so gay,’ so we feel we have to maintain a certain distance from others.”
“In this era of not wanting to be considered bigots, we don’t see anti-gay rants anymore,” Blumenfeld continues. “But just because it’s not overtly expressed doesn’t mean everyone’s opinion has changed. The rude jokes and bullying are gone; now it’s more subtle.”
Taboo Subjects
Brian McNaught, a corporate trainer specializing in GLBT issues whose clients include many Fortune 500 companies, says that while a lot of employers have nondiscrimination policies, their corporate cultures may not be supportive of gays and lesbians. At a conference last year, he asked 200 GLBT employees, “How many of you work for a company with a 100 percent rating from the Human Rights Campaign but nevertheless do not feel safe and valued at work?” A majority raised their hands.
This feeling can be felt through the fear of straight employees asking gay coworkers, “How was your weekend?” or “Who’s that in the photo on your desk?”
“People don’t know how to have that conversation, so they don’t say anything,” McNaught explains. “That leads to silence, so everyone thinks the subject is taboo.”
Selective Corporate Policy
Although 16 states have laws banning employment discrimination based on sexual orientation, 34 do not. And in all 50 states, subtle anti-gay discrimination takes place. For example, life and health insurance benefits or use of the gym may extend to legal spouses but not same-sex partners.
But most major American corporations do have policies prohibiting discrimination based on sexual orientation, McNaught says. “They truly want to attract and retain the best and brightest employees. But many of them don’t follow up by helping all employees understand the connection between sexual orientation and the workplace. The result is that most heterosexuals feel like people in a foreign country who don’t know the language. There is high anxiety, ignorance and fear. The coping mechanism is avoidance.”
Subtle discrimination can be seen in bereavement or sick-spouse leave policies, too. Though gay employees may use it, colleagues may not understand. “We still hear things like, ‘Oh, that was just your roommate. You don’t need a month off,’” Blumenfeld says.
Skewed Social Dynamics
Subtle prejudices can be seen in other ways, he notes. “If you’re not out or partnered, it’s assumed you’re heterosexual. Coworkers try to fix you up with someone of the opposite sex. You’re not interested, but you don’t want to offend anyone. And to advance in many businesses, it helps to have a ‘power spouse’ -- a trophy wife or husband to help you move up the corporate ladder.”
Women are often discriminated against more than men in the workplace, Blumenfeld says. Subtle prejudice may be worse against lesbians than gay males. Promotions can be denied when managers say, “She’s not supporting a family.” Blumenfeld adds: “A gay man is still a man in the workplace. He’s not accorded as much respect as a heterosexual man, but a white male still has two things in his favor.”
Change Will Come
McNaught is optimistic that even subtle discrimination will fade. “The workplace culture changes for the better every day,” he says. “As younger workers join the ranks and bring with them broader experience with gay people, the social interactions which can be so awkward on Monday morning today will become natural and easy. We’ve come a long way since 1974, when I was fired for being gay. We’re making enormous progress. But cultures change slowly. We all need to be patient and have a sense of humor.”
In the meantime, McNaught suggests gay and lesbian workers can address the feeling of being marginalized by:
• Taking the Lead: Communicate -- to your degree of comfort -- that you're interested in participating in social chatter.
• Taking Charge: Speak privately to your manager. Affirm your desire to stay in the department and suggest a diversity presentation that will build your colleagues' comfort levels.
• Going to Human Resources: Explain the situation and ask for advice.
• Contacting an Expert: Brian McNaught, for one, is happy to brainstorm with you. You can also solicit insights and feedback on the Diversity at Work message board.